Boost Your Self Esteem

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen” – Frank Lloyd Wright

If you want others to believe in you, then you must first believe in it yourself. If you want others in the world to believe in you, then you must first believe in yourself.

Success is built on confidence. If you believe in yourself then you have confidence in yourself and your abilities. The building blocks of self-confidence are:

• Knowledge

Knowledge is power. No-one knows you as well as you do and no-one knows you as well as you do. A lack of self esteem generally stems from a fear of some description, the most common being a fear of failure. A fear of failure can often be described more accurately as a fear of the unknown. This fear can be eliminated with knowledge, allowing self-confidence to grow.

• Skill

Identifying your own unique skills can be extremely empowering. Knowing what you’re good at and where your strengths lie can give you the confidence to tackle any of life’s little challenges head on.

• Experience

As you gain experience, you gain knowledge and with that knowledge comes power. ‘Learn from your mistakes’ is a common saying but it’s just as important to learn from your successes. You can analyse a negative experience to ensure it doesn’t happen again but if you take the time to analyse a positive experience, you can ensure it does happen again. The experience of achieving success through setting carefully planned goals helps to ensure further success through gaining greater self-confidence.

• Attitude

Your attitude is essential to your success. A positive attitude and a belief that everything, including yourself, can change is the best way to remain optimistic through challenging times.

• Self-belief

The foundation stones needed to build your self-confidence are knowledge, skill, experience, attitude, and a belief in yourself. A belief in yourself provides the corner-stone from which to build your dreams into realities.

“Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself” – Robert Collier

Dealing with self-doubt

Everyone experiences moments of doubt in their lives. Those nagging little voices inside your head that say, “What if I can’t do this?” or “What if I fail?”
Self-doubt stems from a lack of self-belief so taking steps to build your confidence will allow you to replace any negative thoughts with far more productive, positive ones.
The power of your own thoughts should never be underestimated. Thinking positive thoughts will lead to positive actions being taken so thinking negative thoughts will lead to negative actions being taken, or quite possibly no action being taken at all.

Success is only possible if you believe it’s possible. Learn to silence negative voices in your head by using positive self-talk: “What if I can’t do this?” becomes, “I can do this.”
If you are unable to believe it’s possible and unable to tell yourself you can do it, then chances are you never will do it.

“Self-confidence gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with failure without feeling that your world has come to an end or you’re a worthless person”
- Author Unknown

The negative voice you hear in your head and the positive voice you create through self-talk are forms of feedback. Feedback can be divided into two main categories:

Primary feedback

Primary feedback comes from within. This is feedback received through internal sources or you could say, from the inside out. It describes how something makes you feel so, to use an example from sport, a golfer receives primary feedback from the experience of swinging the club to hit the ball. A golfer may instinctively know whether the shot is a good one or not just through the ‘feel’ of the swing – the primary feedback.

Secondary feedback

Secondary feedback is received in the form of add-ons from the primary feedback already received. This is feedback received from external sources, so you could say from the outside in. For example, the golfer who feels through primary feedback that he has hit a good shot may then hear applause from spectators or feel a congratulatory pat on the back from a fellow player as sources of secondary feedback.

Verbal feedback falls under the secondary feedback heading but the power of words, whether spoken through the voice in your head, your own self-talk, or an external source can inspire and motivate you or crush your confidence and completely de-motivate you.

Here’s a little story, often used in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), that highlights just how powerful the spoken word can be:

The Story Of Two Frogs

‘A group of frogs were travelling through the woods when two of them accidentally fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the fallen frogs they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and started trying to jump out of the pit. The other frogs continued to tell them to stop, they were as good as dead. Eventually, one of the frogs gave in to the comments and simply fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump with all his might even though the others continued to tell him to just give in and die. The more they yelled, the higher he jumped until he finally managed to jump out of the pit.
“Did you not hear us?” asked the group of frogs.
The now free frog explained that he was deaf and he thought they’d been shouting words of encouragement to aid his escape from the pit!’

The moral of this story is that words, metaphorically, carry the power of life and death. In reality, this translates into the power to both motivate and de-motivate, depending on how they are interpreted. Feedback is essential in terms of continuing progress, as without it, changes or improvements will never be made. Positive feedback in the form of words of encouragement from external sources can be really motivating and provide a real boost in your confidence. The same benefits can be achieved if you learn to provide your own words of encouragement through positive self-talk.

Confidence building tips

1.    Remember what you’re good at
2.    Remember that everyone lacks confidence from time to time, not just you
3.    Remember that failure is not permanent – neither is success – everything can be changed
4.    Messing up is just one small moment in the bigger picture – your life!
5.    Realize you don’t have to be perfect to be confident
6.    Realize there’s no such thing as ‘perfect timing’ either so seize all opportunities that come your way – things don’t have to be perfect to be right
7.    Be yourself: you are the only you, and you are the best you
8.    Use good posture; walk tall
9.    Compliment others – what goes around, comes around
10.    Dress sharp: ‘clothes don’t make the man’ but how you dress can affect how you feel

In the Olympic Games, eight athletes will position themselves on the start-line of the 100 metre sprint final. All of them will be in peak physical condition; all of them will have prepared meticulously over many years for this one event; and all of them will believe themselves to be capable of winning the gold medal. But, there will be only one winner.
When all of the athletes have proven physical ability, what is it that separates the winner from the others? Winning athletes will often attribute their success to having a ‘mental’ edge over the other athletes. When the pressure is on and when it really matters, they have the ability to remain confident; to remain focused; and to maintain their self-belief.

When you first look at newborn babies you realize that they’re completely untarnished and unscathed from the world that lies before them.

We weren’t born with a low self esteem, it is shaped from our life experiences and our interaction with our peers and it forms the basis of how we see ourselves, both the good and the bad.  A major part of how we view ourselves is through the perspective of others.

It’s true, how often do you have the wind taken out of your sails when someone doesn’t like you simply because you laugh too loudly?

Subconsciously you begin to think the same thing about yourself and before you know it you’ve sustained yet another battle chink in your self esteem armor.  Years down the track, your armor tends to look a little worse for the wear, beaten and battered you feel deflated and self defeated.  All of these experiences eventually shape you into who you become.

Self esteem issues are most often the most difficult to detect because the wounds aren’t inflicted physically and people can’t see the damage you’ve sustained over the years.  It’s not until the deep seeded issues rear their ugly head that you finally realize you need help.

The beautiful thing about self esteem is that it’s resilient, it can be repaired and fortified and you’re going to learn some tips to help you do just that.

There are a myriad of reasons that cause people to develop low self esteem which have either been inflicted by other people, the person themselves or both.

A person that suffers from low self-esteem presents with common as well as predictable behavior patterns and in some instances may even become seriously ill depending on the severity.

When it comes to low self-esteem it’s possible to develop side effects such as high blood pressure, IBS, indigestion, heart disease, anorexia and other related illnesses.

A PERSON SUFFERING FROM LOW SELF ESTEEM WILL SHOW SIGNS OF:

•    Aggression towards other people as well as towards themselves
•    Constant negative self talk such as “I can’t do this” or “I won’t succeed” etc
•    They usually have a concave posture
•    They speak quietly as well as speak down of themselves
•    They will avoid any conflicting situations
•    They prefer to be alone and do not socialize much if at all
•    They hardly participate in any outdoor activities
•    In severe cases anorexia may be present

Low self-esteem can lead to drug abuse, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, nervous breakdowns and even suicide.

People that fall into this category need to seek professional help as they are unable to help themselves.

Depending on the severity of low self esteem there are other methods such as self help programs as well as an array of self help books which are more suited to those that have a mild form of low self esteem. If you or your child or even a friend suffers from extreme depression as a result of low self-esteem find help immediately, chances are that you or they require professional help from a medical practitioner.

Children and teenagers suffering from low self-esteem have increased considerably over the past decade and have been well documented by psychologists. Many parents are concerned with this epidemic as a parent’s natural instinct is to ensure their children’s well-being comes first and foremost.

Children from a young age can already start developing low self esteem and this is due in part to parents that force their children to be competitive instead of allowing their child to develop their own character and personality at their own pace.  Children will carry this low self-esteem through to their teenage years and in most instances through to adulthood, which can result in psychological as well as physical illnesses later in life.

Low self esteem in teenagers can be caused by a variety of factors such as competitiveness, high school peer pressure, acne, being overweight as well as academic parent pressure.  Children can be really nasty and vindictive towards their peers; the thing that drives these bullies to participate in unwanted behavior is that they themselves are battling self-esteem demons of their own.

Children that have grown up in an abusive environment will inevitably carry the stigma of low self esteem through to their adulthood and one will note that these children also suffered during their school years as most were not achievers.  As adults they normally do not “fit in” and as a result end up with ill health or revert to drugs, alcohol and possibly suicide as a solution to their problems.

When it comes to parenting the most important thing a parent can do is to provide a loving and nurturing home for their children and to create a foundation whereby their children can build confidence and self-esteem.

Think long-term; what future impact will your words that you say now have further down the track?  Never tell a child that they are stupid or that they will never amount to anything in life as they will grow up believing this.

Love and accept your child for who they are because not all children will be little Einstein’s but they in turn will possess unique qualities that these little Einstein’s don’t have which they should be acknowledged and praised for in their own right.

Parents should not diminish the importance of a child’s learning years. Teach your children integrity, honesty and commitment in a loving manner and always lead by example.  You are the best learning lesson for your children, your actions are just as important as your words.  There are many books on parenting skills as well as workshops you can attend. If parents are balanced and exude confidence, your children will follow suit.  Remember what I said? children come into this life unscathed and perfect, what they learn about life they learn from you this is why the first 5 years of their life are the most formative.  Give them a strong foundation to grow from and you’re giving them a good start to life.

Self esteem issues in both children and adults have dire consequences, the only difference is the factors that cause low self esteem in adults and boosting self esteem in them is a little different than for children and teenagers this is because the older you get, the bigger your world becomes and the more factors there are at play effecting self esteem. Your world suddenly becomes more complex to include divorce, relationship problems, spousal abuse and greater responsibilities and obligations at home and at work.  All of these things can attack the self-esteem of an adult from the inside out.

THERE ARE MANY FACTORS THAT CAUSE LOW SELF ESTEEM:

•    The death of a loved one
•    Being bullied at home, school or in the workplace
•    Personal loss
•    Any underlying psychological illness such as bipolar ADD, ADHD or others
•    Divorce
•    Poor finances
•    Severe health problems
•    Unemployment

SOME OF THESE SYMPTOMS MAY BE PRESENT AS AN INDICATOR OF LOW SELF ESTEEM:

•    Blaming others for their problems and misfortunes
•    Treat themselves badly
•    Are quick to lose their temper over simple issues
•    Consumed with desire to get even with people
•    Continuous negative self talk

In most cases these people are either unemployed or will remain in the same job their entire life and in several instances are unable to maintain important relationships and key friendships for long periods of time.

Most refuse to invest any effort to go forward or change their situation.  This is of course a never-ending cycle where the outcome of their actions furthers cements their internal self belief that nothing good will happen so why even try?  Little do they realize that life is unpredictable and that while you may lose some of your battles, you also win some too.  It always evens out in the grand scheme of things, that’s just how life works.

Humans create their own reality and have the ability to program their mind to work either for or against them.  The mind constantly creates one’s own reality and whether you choose to believe this or not, is a scientific fact.

Your state of low self esteem does not really exist except as thoughts in your own mind which prevent you from overcoming low self esteem. The only thing that can disturb one is their own thoughts.  Any statements, beliefs or suggestions from other people have no power over you.  The power comes from the weight and importance you delegate to such opinions, so it’s with your permission that you give that power.  Remember the old expression?, nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Nobody has power over you unless you assign them that power.  It’s these same inner thoughts that determines what you think about yourself, in other words, you are what you think or as the famous expression goes “so a man thinketh, so is he”.

The mind is exceptionally powerful and when you are still and your mind is relaxed your conscious thoughts sink into the subconscious mind, these are the seeds that grow positive or negative thought patterns which forms the basis of a healthy or unhealthy self esteem.

The mind stimulates the brain which in turn controls the physical body, negative thoughts have a severe impact on the body causing mental or physical illness as the neurotransmitters in the brain such as serotonin, adrenaline and dopamine directly affect your mood, appetite as well as physical performance.  It’s important to think good thoughts because again, you really are what you think.  Who would have known that our thoughts could influence our physical bodies to such a degree?  So it pays to disrupt your current thought patterns and to retrain them with new, positive ones.

Self-esteem exercises needn’t be complicated and can be implemented on the spot.  Just by simply changing your stature has a positive effect on your mood.  Don’t believe me? just try and be depressed by standing upright with a cheesy grin on your face.  It’s incredible the signals that your facial muscles send to your brain.  It signals the brain that you’re happy and are experiencing euphoria, when that happens you begin to believe it and actually feel it.

We know when people are depressed just by looking at their body language.  You know those people, the ones with the slumped shoulders and the glum expressions on their faces.  Their facial muscles are signaling their brains that they are sad and depressed and before they know it, every fiber of their being is convinced, that’s all it takes.

Did you know it takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown?   Practice smiling in front of a mirror.  Even when you feel down, pick up those shoulders, puff out your chest and smile.  Fake it until you make it meaning that you may not feel like a rock star but if you mimic the confidence of one, sooner than later you’ll begin to feel it and the way others view and treat you will cement the experience for you.

People want to be around those who bring out their best because everyone wants to feel good about themselves and this has a flow on effect to the person making them feel good.  Not only do you gain more friends that respect you and want to be around you but you also feel good in the process and before you know it, your thoughts, feelings and actions have re-shaped your life.

You can improve self esteem and completely makeover your life at your own will.  Just remember at any time you can change your life, you may not be able to change your circumstances but realizing that you can change how you react to them is a powerful thing.

When you realize that you alone hold the key to your own happiness and nobody else, you will find more joy in life.

You make a difference, you were born for a reason and your life has value.  You’re meant to be here.  So be the change you want to see.

So I hope you’ve gained some insight in terms of your own self-esteem and how you can change your situation at any given moment, you just have to do it even if you don’t feel it initially.  You won’t always feel motivated to be
positive but it’s important that you try because it limits the time you spend depressed and feeling low.

Doesn’t it make sense?  You can’t feel depressed and euphoric at the same time.  So when you feel great, feelings of depression and negativity take a back seat.  You just have to do this regularly and ensure that you’re feeling more good than bad.  You determine this.  It’s natural to have bad days too, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be human but you don’t have to stay mourning in those moods for longer than you need to.  When you stay locked in depression or feeling down you’re missing out on life.

Remember, if you find it difficult to shake “the blues” or bouts of depression and experience severe, ongoing episodes and you can’t build up your self esteem no matter what you do, you should consider consulting a medical practitioner right away.  Never be afraid to talk about it with loved ones, a problem shared is a problem halved.

If you want to learn more about your self esteem in greater depth and more detailed self-esteem building information and exercises then you will definitely want to get access to the entire self esteem building manual.  It’s easy to do and you can finish reading it and taking action within a day.

Remember, change begins with you.

To your life, love and happiness.

Adolescence is the most fragile and transitional period in one’s life, borne out of conflicting emotions and aspirations. You can say teenagers are difficult creatures to understand, one moment they’ll cleave close to you and the next moment they treat you like someone they haven’t seen, not even in their dreams. Teenagers are indeed very fickle and fragile human beings, susceptible to mood swings and broodings.

As a teenager, you too had your share of whims which you’re undoubtedly familiar with. Erratic and impulsive behaviour can be the resultant mix of personal and social issues, with a generous helping of hormones. That quite explains the wrath of a teenager.

Most teenagers are sensitive to the events going on in their own worlds, real or imaginary – they behave like open books and send ready signals with the rise and fall of events. No matter how unpredictable your teenager’s behaviour can get, you need to know that they only react to things in their lives and concerning their own worlds. That isn’t always about you.

Contribute Towards Your Teen’s Self Esteem Building with Empathy:-

1.    Spend more time with your teens, take half an hour out of your day to talk to them, ask them about their day and the things happening in their life. When you show the care and affection, it can melt the heart of even the most stubborn teen.

2.    Listen to your teens and that helps them in overcoming low self esteem, a great deal. Every child longs to be heard and acknowledged. When you respect their feelings lending them a patient ear, it helps to create a stronger bond between the both of you. Teenagers feel motivated to reciprocate the attention being more willing to listen to you in turn.

3.    You need to listen to your teenager because every habit you create makes a lasting impression and can form the basis of positive habits for them in future. That will prepare them to deal with their own children.

4.    Whatever you say and do makes an impact on your teens because of its far reaching consequences. You need to take care of your words and actions and remind yourself that you’re helping to shape your child for the better.

5.    Involving your teens in sports and athletics can be a great way to build their self esteem. Getting involved in sports will instil in them a healthy dose of self confidence and a sense of achievement. Moreover, they can share the goodness of belonging and playing in teams.

6.    To boost self confidence and teens self esteem you can engage them in social clubs and extracurricular activities. This encourages socialization and aids in boosting a teens self esteem. Your teens get a productive outlet to show their skills and talents they may not have otherwise known they had. This boosts teens self esteem immeasurably.

One can hardly ensure that following these suggestions your teenager will change overnight, however, the little extra care and show of affection, investing a little time to know them – that make all the difference and melt even the hardest of teenage hearts.

Do you need to know more about boosting your own self esteem or that of your teenager’s? Get hold of your free report and find out how.

Forget the frequent mood swings – issues related to a teenagers’ can be more intricate than that. Many factors undermine a teenager’s ability to build self confidence, they can be anywhere in the line of academic issues, poor social interaction and dealing with one’s own unique personality while coping with the physical awkwardness that puberty brings. You may have outlived the constant internal struggles and the inherent conflicts that are unique to this passage of life, still, when you revisit those memories you’ll know what it’s like to be their age.

Social circles that the teenagers thrive in good deal influence their lives. Feedbacks they get from peer groups often validate how they feel about themselves. These factors somehow determine teenager’s self esteem and self worth. You can imagine how great an impact they can have on the lives of teens. However, this can trigger genuine reasons to worry because teenagers or adolescents are not greatly known for their tact and empathy.

Home should be the most viable and safe place to nurture and improve self esteem of a teenager. As parents, you need to strengthen the confidence of your teens and help them deal with the tough realities of the big wide world. Instead of nitpicking their faults, parents and family members should focus on the words of praises, the hours of attention, and the support they can extend to their teens.

Never underestimate the power of love. Even when things are obvious, and you assume that your teens know how much you love them, you can say an extra ‘I love you’ that will soothe their hearts. Build positive and nurturing environment in home that will go a long way defining teenager self esteem. Remember, children are more sensitive when in their teens. Such an outwardly show can act as an effective hedge against the factors that underplay your teenager’s self esteem. You cannot possibly change the situations teenagers must face – however you can bolster their confidence through various positive strategies that neutralize the factors dragging them down.

Being good role models as parents will help. Children learn from their parents, and try to imitate whatever the latter do. When you set healthy examples of self esteem and respect for yourself that instill the same sense of respect in your teenager. Being a good role model helps because you practice what you preach. Even when you get upset, focus on your actions and the positive words you teach your teens, make sure to keep an optimistic outlook on life. Your positive attitude can influence how they themselves deal with trials in their adult life. Remember, your children follow you and the actions.

Assign some sort of responsibility to your teens, let them do the dishes or taking out the garbage, a job that helps to reinforce their role within the family unit and to be a contributing member thereof. Achieving a sense of belonging and importance can be a vital building block to strengthening their self esteem.

These above-mentioned tips can fortify your teenagers self esteem but if you’d like more insight, you can sign up to receive your free report coming up with more self esteem building tips for you and your teenager.

Improving self esteem of teenagers is more than complex, let alone the immature and young age, teenagers lack the necessary skills and insights required to deal with the world’s harsh realities.

Social circles have a say in how teenagers shape up their preferences and priorities. These influences determine the development of teenage self esteem and how they react to life’s necessities. A pliable and waxy teenager’s outlook on life and world can be based on perceptions driven from popular cultures, media, and their peer groups than real world experiences. Therefore, a teenager’s self esteem can often be shaped up by wrong influences.

There are ways you can get through to your teen and help them to build up healthy self esteem -

•    Never overlook obvious things in life as far dealing with your teens is concerned. It’s no good assuming your teenager knows just how much you love them, focus on expressing your love instead. Let them know they are cared for. Tell them they are capable of achieving anything and that you appreciate and believe in them. Obvious things like expressing love can get better with your saying one extra ‘I love you’. Will that cost you anything? Think how it can make your teenagers day.

•    Home environment and your actions can influence teenage self esteem. Your teenagers need to know they are safe and secure in home and that will drive you to create a peaceful ambience for them to live and grow in. Be wary of your actions in front of them and that they won’t hurt your teens in any way. Your teens are sensitive and get to know when things go wrong.

•    In an environment of conflict and unrest it is difficult to foster healthy teenage self esteem. Often times, internal conflicts step outside of your homes in the form of anxiety and expressions of anger. These conflicts may carry deep-rooted images to their sub-conscious minds and they often end up carrying the bad feeling well into their adult years.

•    When you have an argument, take it to another room or choose a more appropriate time. Make sure your teenager sees a resolution to the ensuing problem. Life is made up of good and bad things, when they can see that conflicts can give way to positive outcomes it will teach them good lessons in life. They can handle negative situations better and seek resolutions other than anger or violence.

•    Most striking part of teenage self esteem is to reinforce the positive things, which encourages them to excel, to do better and to reach their potential. When you spend more time focusing on their positive achievements rather than pulling out the negative ones, it boosts their confidence and zeal. Teenagers take negative comments and accusations to heart more than you realize. That’s why you need to resist the temptation to criticize your teenager, for that can only add to low self esteem and will shake their confidence. Your words have tremendous impacts on the teens and you need to take care of that.

If you think you need help to strengthen your own self esteem or that of your teenagers, you can grab your free report that shows you how.

Internet has offered a new possibility to take a series of psychological tests to determine your mood and current frame of mind. You can think of taking a ‘Low Self Esteem Test’ in this regard, still you need to find out how good it is in real sense.

There are people who take these tests for the hang of it, while others take them out of serious concern for their own well being. It’s no harm knowing your mood swings but one should always remember that these tests are not the equivalent as an evaluation by a mental health professional. While you take note of the results from a low self esteem test, you must also be wary to take it with a pinch of salt and you should never let the test results come in the way of improving self esteem.

The reason being most average and run of the mill low self esteem tests on the Net are not necessarily the scientific ones. They can be questions that are taken from various academic psychological resources, but can you be sure they are the official test employed by mental health professionals! This creates a lacuna in a proper and valid diagnosis of your self esteem. In your naiveté, you’re pulled into wrong signals and incorrect prognosis that you get from a low self esteem test and you may not know the true severity of low self esteem. Most of these online tests are vague in terms of a true and accurate result and a detailed analysis to support the findings. The underlying causes of the problems may not be thoroughly reflected in the average low self esteem test results.

While you take a low self esteem test in the offices of a professional, you are often asked questions by the person administering the test. That gives the administrating representative scope to gauge your reactions, inflections, and tone while you give the answers orally. To clarify your responses, the official can ask follow up questions further. The whole exercise becomes fruitful and helps the person taking the test. Additional tests can be performed to elucidate other areas of concern. Low self esteem tests need these parameters to get to the core of the issue and take things further to the proper course of treatment.

It doesn’t mean when you take a low self esteem test online you should not take the results seriously! When you see the results and find that there’s a cause of concern, you may take the low self esteem test seriously. However, it is in your best interest to avoid taking steps that would lead to self diagnosis. You had better seek guidance from a qualified therapist or mental health care professional to diagnose.

Need to know more about your self esteem and steps that you can take to improve yours or that of your near ones – grab your free report now to find out how.